Warning : Vain Photos Entry.

I'm bored. As all of you know, as what is written in the Madihah? column, I am vain. Haha. So, enjoy my vain pictures.

Lalala~

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I've no idea who this person is. He called me before, and I told him, "Sorry, wrong number."

And then a text "Assalammualaikum, ni 6ber khairul eik?" I don't know what kind of a language is that 6ber is, and how does the eik supposed to sound like, but of course I didn't reply.

And then another missed call, followed by another text "Assalammualaikum, sory sbb saya salah 6ber...jgnn marah..."

And then a call, I picked up, and no one spoke on the other line and then he hung up. On the following day "Hai,nak berkenalan boleh?". Again, of course, WHO THE HELL WOULD REPLY TO SUCH TEXTS? But one thing that really make me wonder is, after that he sent me a picture of a CAT. A FREAKING CAT. And only my friends know how much I despise cats!

And today, he asked "Comel x gambar kucing tu? Panda Bijak? Haha"

WHO ARE YOU ITS NOT FUNNY ITS FREAKY YOU SCARY DUDE MAGADDDD

I've a feeling you're actually someone I know

And if I found out who you are, and you ARE actually a friend of mine who actually try to prank me, you're gonna DIE. I repeat, DIE -________-'

Speechless.... -.-'

I just went through my blog, re-reading the posts from June 2008 up to May 2012. I'm a slow reader so it took me ages to actually finish SCROLLING THROUGH. I think it'd take a thousand more years for me to actually re-read everything.

It was pure embarrassment. I cursed like a lot. In a post, there are at least like a ton of F words and some other bad words ._.

And my spelling, my grammar....oh Lord. I feel like "WHO WROTE ALL THIS IN MY BLOG?!"

I gotta admit that it was hilarious though, the way I used to write... -.-' I still remember Kak Quna's comment on my blog, it's something like "I had fun :) I giggled, smiled, couldn't-agree-more-thoughts and even cried. Thanks!"

I need to fix it, the bad language. Haha. If one day I die, and people still read my blog, sia-sia dapat dosa kering.....but the memories are priceless. If I change even a word from it, it changes the whole thing. It's so unfair to correct the grammatical errors and the spellings....hahaha.

It's also good to see the improvements in myself. The way I write thing, the way I talk about stuffs, I'm getting better at putting the words together. Seriously, I can't get over the mistakes. Yeah, I'm kinda like a grammar nazi so seeing my old self writing that way, rasa macam nak bunuh-bunuh -.-'

Haha. Btw, I'm home for 10 days. Ada gap between papers. Lama gila kan? I'm annoyed already. I still have 2 more papers, and after that I'll have my REAL one week ONLY break.

Until we meet again, assalamualaikum :)

Heartache.

"Do you still love, like have feelings for him?"

When my close friends asked me this question, usually I'll confidently answer "What...is that even a  question? NO!". It's with no hint of denial, I really felt that way.

Yesterday I went out with someone who I just started to call my 'friend'. Despite that fact, she knows me inside out. She knows me too well that though we've never really talked, and the last time we talked we didn't even talk but practically screamed and argued with each other. Cut the long story short, she knows me very very well. It's impossible to hide anything from her.

Of course, she didn't just blurt out that question. At first he just mentioned his name, and I could feel my heart breaks little by little. I thought I had hidden it well, but when she asked me about him, all I could respond was "It was complicated, feelings were involved." and she said "You don't have to tell me, I can easily tell that. No, it's not because he told me or anything. I can just tell."

The conversation finally led to that question, and I became speechless, but I managed to say it aloud "No, of course not, or at least I'm trying not to." her respond? "Like I'm gonna buy that."

Sigh. It's hard. It's very hard to exert a resistive force to put the feelings to a halt. The force, the feelings were too strong. But I know it's all was just a huge mistake. I know, I didn't love him, I loved the IDEA of him. Well, at least thats what I'm trying to convince myself to think. I'm not gonna look back. She can never be any more wrong when she said "He can be a really good best friend, but a boyfriend? No. He's a jerk."

It's funny, really. She the person that I least expected to be a good friend of mine. You know, Allah is the best of planners. I believe in that. I believe this good friendship that we have is the 'sunshine' after the 'rain'.

Heartache? It's still there, but it no longer breaks me. I'm strong now. I have Allah by my side.

Do I still have feelings for him? I'm on a jihad to fight it. Quoted by I don't know who but "Bertemu dan berpisah kerana Allah."

Inshaallah. La Tahzan, Innaallahama'na :)

Forgiveness

Suraah As-Syura, verse 40 ;

In a more simplified language, apabila seseorang menzalimi kita, kita berhak untuk membalas setimpal dengan apa yang dia buat dekat kita. Tetapi lebih baik jika kita memaafkan, Allah akan balas dengan ganjaran yang besar.

Kak Ummi told me that when you've forgiven someone, you should not ever bring up about that topic again. About whatever kind of wrongdoings that person had done to you.

Im trying my best to do so. Im trying my best to forgive everyone and anyone sincerely, despite whatever that they've wronged me. It's not easy to forgive someone, sometimes it breaks you inside, but inshaaAllah I'll be strong. Allah suka orang yang sabar. Assobru minal iman. The faith that I have in Him makes me the strongest girl ever. All that I do, every single thing that I'm doing with my live is with no other hopes but to please Him.

One thing I want to share from my own experience, the feeling that you get when your heart is finally open to forgive someone that you once said "I'll never forgive her till my last breath!", it's priceless. I felt happy, I felt like a burden is put off my shoulders. It's like you have one less thing to worry about.

Make sure, before you sleep, forgive everyone. That's the most important thing. You wouldn't know if you'll wake up the next morning, or the time that you closed your eyes to sleep would be the last time that you see the world. We'll never know.

Of course, I that all of you will forgive me too. I was so hot-tempered and angry back then, I bet I've hurt a lot of people. I'm so very truly sorry.

Allah, the one and only reason I'm still breathing the same fresh air, the reason for every breath that I take, and of course, the reason that I live my life this way.

Trying to improve myself to be the best Muslimah. Inshaallah. Assalamualaikum :)